A young man opened up about what childhood was like under the roof of parents who had an ‘extreme BDSM lifestyle’.
The 21-year-old, believed to be from the US, took to Reddit’s Ask Me Anything (AMA) forum to invite people to do just that. He wrote: “AMA so I can get this off my chest – I was 14 when I found my father and stepmum’s website.
“When I was growing up my father and stepmother would constantly go on ‘vacations’ to go to BDSM workshops, they had a pretty substantial online following I guess. My stepmother was his 24/7 sex slave and they had a poly girlfriend they brought around me several times. My stepmother wore a collar around me and called my father Daddy in front of me.”
So what was it actually like? Here are some of the jaw-dropping questions people asked – plus the anonymous Redditor’s honest replies…
Unsurprisingly, the Redditor explained that the fetish had bad repercussions. Rightly so, he believes parents should keep their fetishes out of sight of their children.
He said: “I absolutely feel like it negatively impacted both my mental and sexual development. For context, I was about 14 when I found their website and blog that linked to their ‘fetlife’, extreme things like noncon and female 24/7 slavery but also some more run-of-the-mill regular [adult] search bar things like bondage and rough stuff.
“While I don’t care about other people’s sexual life, and I think it should be 100% kept away from children and they should never be able to access a website with all of your sexual escapades; I do not care for BDSM in my own sex life. Mostly because when I think about it I tie it to my dad and my step mum.”
As their dad didn’t have sole custody, they were thankfully able to find reprieve at their biological mum’s place. This also allowed them to socialise without the fear of his father’s kinks being on show.
This didn’t stop all awkward encounters, though. They revealed: “The only people who ever found out about it without me telling them is my friend who found the website with me. We found it because my stepmother was on instagram and her account popped up as like ‘people you may know’ and curiosity got the better of us at 14 and 17 lol.”
People wanted to know if they had forged a nice life for themselves – or been held back by their family. And in response, the poster revealed they’re getting on okay despite the childhood trauma.
They wrote: “So I’m relatively normal except for like deep psychological damage caused by my childhood, but I like music and art. I’m in college currently but It’s definitely been a journey to being okay.
“I had a solid mum growing up and she taught me to laugh at my dad instead of crying about it. She taught me that I was loved and that it was his issues that made him like this, nothing to do with me.”
Despite trying to dabble with the kink, the Redditor never saw the appeal in it. As you can probably imagine, thinking about your parents in bed isn’t the best idea.
They added: “I tried to be interested in it, mostly because I had partners who were into it, but it just makes me think of my dad and then I feel sick and sad and not into it.”
While the Redditor confronted their dad, they didn’t get the response they were hoping for. The Reddit poster recalled “I asked him specifically one time to give up the lifestyle as a whole, because it deeply troubled me that beating women got him off and that he was in a community for that.
“He refused and compared it to being gay. He literally compared beating women to being gay, as he feels he cannot control these feelings.”
Even though the family is still on speaking terms, things are understandably awkward. The young adult replied: “Yes but it’s rocky.
“I have tried to set clear boundaries and he’s [the father] never respected it. I’ve told him to not wear any kink clothes around me (in his new relationship he’s the b**** and wears the collar, ironic, I know) and he refuses to even try and hide it.”
Not only does the biological mother seem appalled by her ex’s behaviour, it’s also making her look back on her former relationship in a different light.
The Redditor said: “She hates it. My mum was with my dad for a decade before they separated, and my mum was pretty young when they met (he’s maybe 3 years older than her) so a lot of the things my dad did to my mum she looks back on with a different view on.
“I believe that my mother was abused by my father, even though my mother excused the abusive behaviour 30 years ago. She has the same kind of look on his behaviour that I do, I don’t care what someone does behind closed doors but it shouldn’t be where your kids can find it.”
You can read more questions and answers from the thread on Reddit here.
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