Dear Coleen
I’m a 39-year-old woman (the big 4-0 is in February) and I’m very lucky to have a lovely life. I’ve worked my way up the career ladder since leaving university and now I have a great job, a good salary and a busy social life.
I suppose someone looking in from the outside would think I had it all and might even feel envious. However, I’ve been miserable in my job for a while and would like to leave, but I’m terrified of making the leap.
I’ve been at the same company for 10 years and, although the rewards are great and I count my colleagues as friends in a fab place to work, I have barely any personal time and I’m still single.
Every time I think about handing in my notice I start stressing about making the wrong decision and losing my financial security.
But I also worry that if I stay, I’ll never meet a partner and I’ll never be a mum. I know the chances of me having a baby naturally are already against me at nearly 40. Also, there are other things I want to do. I don’t want life to pass me by.
I feel slightly ashamed that this all sounds a bit indulgent, but I feel I’m at a point in my life where I need to make a change. I’d love some help.
Coleen says
I think most people would recognise these feelings – we all find ourselves at a crossroads at some point in life. It’s also the start of a new year, and you’re about to reach that milestone birthday, so it’s a “What’s next?” moment.
I think it’s easier to make these big decisions when we’re kind of pushed into them – i.e. there’s another job offer on the table or you hate your boss so much you feel you have no choice. It would help if you decided what you want for yourself in the next year – is it a new job with more personal time or is it a year out to focus on yourself?
Of course giving up your job is a risk, especially in this financial climate, but do you want to still be doing it in another 10 years, getting up every morning and dreading the day ahead?
Look at what you’re most afraid of losing – the job status and the salary or the chance of filling your life with new things: maybe a relationship and even a family.
If you’re finding it all confusing, try writing a list of what you want and what you’re willing to give up. My advice is to try to have a plan rather than jumping ship tomorrow. It might not come together for a while, but you’ll have something to work towards and get excited about.
Good luck.
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